It has been way too long since I've blogged about anything. I have been preoccupied with the holidays and all that comes with them as well as picking up several more hours at work. When I do have down time, I'm usually asleep! With that being said, my wonderful husband thought this blog thing was pretty cool and is helping narrate the tales of our journey. Here is his newest post. Enjoy!
Action vs. Reaction by Erik Brown
I’m going to start off with a funny story that my dad always likes to tell:
When I was little, we moved into a duplex in Bolivar, Mo. It needed a bit of work done before moving in, (paint, holes in the wall that needed to be filled in, etc.) and my dad volunteered to do it. My mom was off at work and dad was watching me while he was working on the apartment. Now, I had been fast asleep on the couch, so my old man wasn't paying too much attention to me while he was working around the house.
(Before I go any farther, I was a sleepwalker when I was younger. I did some wild things.... but that's for another time.)
And Resume: My dad heard a noise in the living room and came to investigate. He found me, in front of the T.V., pants at my ankles, and peeing all over the T.V.! My dad flipped. He ran over, grabbed me and spanked me so hard it woke me right up! That's right, woke me up. I was sleepwalk-peeing on the T.V.
Fast-forward 25 years to just last week. My dad and I were eating lunch and he brought up that story...again. But this time it was different. It wasn't just for a laugh, like usual, but to make a point. He apologized for reacting the way he did. Now let’s get one thing straight, I don't remember what happened. There is no lasting trauma from this and there really wasn’t a need to apologize. But then he follows it up with something profound.
He said:
"You were just a kid, and asleep...you really didn't know any better at the time. I shouldn't have acted that harshly."
That set me back a step. If I found me in that situation I probably would have tattooed my hind end as well. But they do say that hindsight is 20/20 and at that moment my dad poured out pure wisdom on me as a new father.
As a parent, it is our responsibility to encourage our kids when they do right, help when they need help, and discipline them when they do wrong. In this case, I did wrong. I was asleep, so I really didn't know any better, but I caught a beating anyway. That really wasn’t fair. Had I been awake, THAT would have been a whole other story. My dad reacted in the moment and didn't realize the complete situation. This is something that I notice in a lot of new parents.
Kate is about to start crawling, and with crawling she will be getting into everything. The house is now on High Alert. Defcon 5 has been reached, and even MooMoo (our cat) is on duty. With this new age comes discovery and learning. Kate will soon be reaching new areas that were once protected. She will be getting into both Mel’s stuff and mine. Now, the first instinct is to protect our stuff, but if I say that out loud, “Kate don't touch that! “ I sound like I care more about my stuff than my own child? At seven months old, is this really effective discipline, yelling and giving the child a swat? It is really a crazy perspective to have. Do I value my stuff over my own child? Anymore, this really is a "normal" way of thinking. But this is part of how Kate will learn; she will get into trouble and do forbidden things. But to her, it isn't trouble; it's a shiny object on the far side of the room that needs to be slobbered on. She is fixing to don her dusty fedora and whip to help her set out to explore this big new world in efforts to grow and expand her knowledge and what it means to be human. As a parent, I have to realize that my child doesn't know better yet. This is her learning, and I have to be there to help her along the way even if that means some of my things get destroyed. I have to make the choice not to react in the moment and instead take moments like her ripping apart a book as a learning experience until she grows older and starts to understand right from wrong.
Closing notes, this isn't some West Coast, Hipster, tree hugger "I'm never going to spank my child. They will always be treated fairly, like an adult!" crap. You better believe when Kate gets older she is going get her swats as needed. I'm just encouraging new parents to think twice before reacting, both for you and your child's sake.
Action vs. Reaction by Erik Brown
I’m going to start off with a funny story that my dad always likes to tell:
When I was little, we moved into a duplex in Bolivar, Mo. It needed a bit of work done before moving in, (paint, holes in the wall that needed to be filled in, etc.) and my dad volunteered to do it. My mom was off at work and dad was watching me while he was working on the apartment. Now, I had been fast asleep on the couch, so my old man wasn't paying too much attention to me while he was working around the house.
(Before I go any farther, I was a sleepwalker when I was younger. I did some wild things.... but that's for another time.)
And Resume: My dad heard a noise in the living room and came to investigate. He found me, in front of the T.V., pants at my ankles, and peeing all over the T.V.! My dad flipped. He ran over, grabbed me and spanked me so hard it woke me right up! That's right, woke me up. I was sleepwalk-peeing on the T.V.
Fast-forward 25 years to just last week. My dad and I were eating lunch and he brought up that story...again. But this time it was different. It wasn't just for a laugh, like usual, but to make a point. He apologized for reacting the way he did. Now let’s get one thing straight, I don't remember what happened. There is no lasting trauma from this and there really wasn’t a need to apologize. But then he follows it up with something profound.
He said:
"You were just a kid, and asleep...you really didn't know any better at the time. I shouldn't have acted that harshly."
That set me back a step. If I found me in that situation I probably would have tattooed my hind end as well. But they do say that hindsight is 20/20 and at that moment my dad poured out pure wisdom on me as a new father.
As a parent, it is our responsibility to encourage our kids when they do right, help when they need help, and discipline them when they do wrong. In this case, I did wrong. I was asleep, so I really didn't know any better, but I caught a beating anyway. That really wasn’t fair. Had I been awake, THAT would have been a whole other story. My dad reacted in the moment and didn't realize the complete situation. This is something that I notice in a lot of new parents.
Kate is about to start crawling, and with crawling she will be getting into everything. The house is now on High Alert. Defcon 5 has been reached, and even MooMoo (our cat) is on duty. With this new age comes discovery and learning. Kate will soon be reaching new areas that were once protected. She will be getting into both Mel’s stuff and mine. Now, the first instinct is to protect our stuff, but if I say that out loud, “Kate don't touch that! “ I sound like I care more about my stuff than my own child? At seven months old, is this really effective discipline, yelling and giving the child a swat? It is really a crazy perspective to have. Do I value my stuff over my own child? Anymore, this really is a "normal" way of thinking. But this is part of how Kate will learn; she will get into trouble and do forbidden things. But to her, it isn't trouble; it's a shiny object on the far side of the room that needs to be slobbered on. She is fixing to don her dusty fedora and whip to help her set out to explore this big new world in efforts to grow and expand her knowledge and what it means to be human. As a parent, I have to realize that my child doesn't know better yet. This is her learning, and I have to be there to help her along the way even if that means some of my things get destroyed. I have to make the choice not to react in the moment and instead take moments like her ripping apart a book as a learning experience until she grows older and starts to understand right from wrong.
Closing notes, this isn't some West Coast, Hipster, tree hugger "I'm never going to spank my child. They will always be treated fairly, like an adult!" crap. You better believe when Kate gets older she is going get her swats as needed. I'm just encouraging new parents to think twice before reacting, both for you and your child's sake.