1.I used a coloring page I had already completed and stapled it with construction paper and ribbon I found in the house.
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Do you ever feel like you haven't had a moment to yourself in who knows how long? I have. In fact, I feel that way right now. I recently was able to get five days off of work for the holidays and here I am, with one day of my stay-cation left, and I can't remember a single moment I've had to relax. Holidays with family are wonderful and come with many blessings but they are also busy. Every day I feel like I've been running around getting presents ready, getting the diaper bag filled, trying to pick up the house and keep up with laundry between running in and out of the door. My husband has even made several efforts to do dishes and keep up with the house for me so I can have time to relax. Although this was much appreciated and thoughtful, I still found myself too busy to enjoy it. As soon as I have a second, the baby wakes up from her nap, the dryer quits, someone needs fed (including the cat), and the to-do list continues. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, my child, my extended family and all that comes with them but I find myself getting frustrated with all of them even though none of it is their fault. I get crabby at whoever is around because I just want a second to breath and that second seems out of reach.
I hate that feeling. I hate feeling anxious, frustrated and angry. I hate feeling like I'm riding a roller coaster I can't get off of. In an effort to control these feelings, I was reminded to take a deep breath, close my eyes and pray. I prayed "Lord, help me to be still. Help me to have a better attitude and not take out my frustration on my family." Although the prayer is easy to say, it took several times for me to stop my negative and frustrated thought process of how I wish I didn't have so many responsibilities, and how I wish I didn't have to cater to others, and how I just want to stay home and do what I want to do. Through the chaos of my thoughts I was reminded of a Psalm: Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth! Be still... What do those words mean? I'm no bible scholar but today, those words mean to me to breath. Take that breath that seems out of reach. And to me that means, take a few moments in the chaos and focus my thoughts, my energy and my heart on the Lord. I need to point my heart in His direction and away from mine. For me, I find it is easiest by singing quiet songs of praise that reflect on his grace, his glory and his peace. The one that came to mind today was As The Deer by Martin J. Nystrom which is a song based on Psalm 42:1: As the deer panteth for the water So my soul longeth after thee You alone are my heart’s desire And I long to worship thee You alone are my strength, my shield To you alone may my spirit yield You alone are my heart’s desire And I long to Worship Thee As I quietly sang these words I pictured myself sitting in a quiet forest or meadow by a creek watching a deer take a drink. I imagined only hearing the sounds of birds and running water and not worrying about anything else in this world. Even if those quiet moments are short lived and soon interrupted, taking just a moment to focus on the Lord, who is the real reason we are all here anyway, can calm the storm in your mind and in your busy schedule. I encourage you and myself to try to do this at least once a day. Let’s take the focus off of our to-do list and us and put it back on Him. In doing so, our thoughts, our hearts, and our homes will be a much happier and peaceful place. The Battle Within
I’ve been struggling with something a lot lately. I call it “the battle within,” because there is a constant tug-of-war on my thoughts and heart on how I manage my time. I’m blessed to only have to work four days a week which leaves me with two week days I get to spend at home with Kate by myself. I try my hardest not to plan busy days on the days I’m home so that I can spend the majority of my day with her and enjoy her while she’s still so small. I want to grow her, teach her new things, laugh with her, cry with her, comfort her, cherish her and love her every second of every moment that I get. Although, this picture I’ve painted of a Hallmark movie is truly what my heart desires, the business of this life creeps in and steals away precious moments with my Kate. This is my battle: if I decide I’m going to spend the whole day enjoying her and not plan anything or check anything off the to-do list, instead of enjoying it, I’m having an anxiety attack about all the things that aren’t getting down around the house or all the errands I’m not running that have to be done by the end of the week. On the other hand, if I have a very productive day, completing all that I feel needs to be done, I’m sad, angery and stressed because I didn’t get to spend the time with Kate that I wanted to. It’s this constant tug-of-war of discontentment and anxiety. It reminds me of the verse Paul writes in Romans 7:15: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do but what I hate, I do. This verse was always very confusing to me but I get it now. I want to be content with spending time with my baby but I also want to be productive. If I do one and not the other, I’m upset, but it is very hard to do both. The only real solution that has worked for me with this problem is prayer. It’s still definitely a work in progress but prayer really does work. I firmly believe that God wants you to rely on him in all things, especially parenting. He wants to help me manage my time and learn how to say no to some things and yes to others. He wants me to be able to be there for my daughter as much as possible and grow her and teach her. He also wants me to be a hard worker and to keep my house from chaos. Finding that perfect balance is impossible without the Lord. My only advice for anyone who feels the same is this: continually pray for wisdom. I still haven’t won this battle and feel my heart is being pulled in too many directions. Staying in constant communication with God is the only thing that relieves my stress. I’ve also started realizing that it is ok to say no. Oftentimes family and friends know that I’m off on certain days of the week and they want to get together. I love spending time with others and there are days where it is very welcomed. However, there are also days where Kate and I just need to be home doing nothing. Knowing that that is ok sometimes was something I had to learn pretty fast if I wanted to keep my sanity. I’ve also learned that just because I’m home during the week does not mean I need to run every errand under the sun in one day. Making an effort to get things done the night before or on the weekends as much as possible helps relieve the pressure of a never ending to-do list that makes you miss out on precious moments with baby. I’m not saying you should never leave the house with your baby. I’m just saying limit it, especially us moms that are working and are gone most of the week already. It’s good for your soul and your baby’s soul to rest in the comfort of your home at times rather than filling your entire day up with things that can wait. As I said, I have not mastered this and it is a constant struggle but having the perfect balance of rest and productivity is on my bucket list. Any advice is welcomed and appreciated. With our two jobs as a career woman and being a mother, getting everything done that we want gets tricky. As career women, we go to work and we want to be the best that we can. We are fighting for a promotion or a raise, creating new ideas and new projects, or dealing with clients of all attitudes and behaviors. We are bombarded with work stress, appointments, and expectations. It is exhausting.
Then we come home and we do it all over again. There is dinner, laundry, cleaning, not to mention our own new ideas and projects we make up for ourselves to make our house, nursery, or life more fun and exciting. It can be overwhelming, exhausting and defeating. And if there is some miracle of a day that we actually get everything done that we want to, we are feeling like Superwoman. But let’s be honest, that day is very rare. So, in an effort to make myself, (and hopefully someone else who has the same feelings of defeat), feel a little better, I’ve come up with a few tricks to battle the impossible. 1. Be content with good enough. If things are picked up but not perfect, pat yourself on the back! At least it’s picked up. Your family will appreciate the decrease in clutter. 2. Enjoy your time with your kids without stressing over how messy the house is and what’s not getting done. The time with our kids is so precious and fleeting. Say a prayer that God eliminates your anxiety and then play and love on those kiddos while you can. 3. Schedule time when the kids are in bed or out of the house to catch up I believe 100% in #2 above but I also believe that a house in chaos can spill over into your life and your kid’s lives. Therefore, do your best to make time to catch up during the week. These are just a few ideas to attempt to stay caught up without sacrificing precious time with the kids.
With all of that being said…Refer to #1. Some days a clean house and finished laundry isn’t reality. We just have to be content with good enough. Our kids will see our hard work even if it doesn’t seem like it. They will grow up knowing that we tried our best. 4. Delegate
5. Relax
This list is something I’m continually working on and will always have room for improvement. In the mean time, I’m saving money for the future when I can clone myself or buy a robotic housemaid like on the Jetson’s. If you have any better ideas on how to keep up, let me know! I’d love to hear how you super women do it. This is the best, most concise list I've found for going back to work. I like it mostly because it's what I did and it seemed to work well for me. I'm a planner and a list maker. This list is all about preparing in advance for your return to the working world.
The only thing I would change is, though I love to plan, don't get caught up in the planning before it is necessary. If you have eight weeks off for maternity leave, wait until week seven (or six at the very earliest) to start worrying about everything on this list. Your maternity leave is a special time for you to heal, discover the wonders of motherhood and figure out what in the world this little creature needs and wants. You'll always have work. You won't always be home. http://www.careerealism.com/going-back-work-baby/ Also, ask other working moms how they did it and learn from them. There is no one more resourceful than the girl that just went through what you went through. Ask around, get different ideas and then do what's best for you. Today was the best morning and the worst morning. Kate woke up at 5 a.m., which was thirty minutes before my alarm usually goes off. (Isn’t it funny how our children seem to know how long you want to sleep and magically wake you up right before that?) I got up, fed her, changed her and got her ready for the day. Then I decided I could spare an extra twenty minutes to go back to sleep. (Yes, feel free to judge. I am a snooze pusher and a power napper whenever possible. So sue me). I put Kate back in her crib and lied down in my bed.
Within seconds, she decided she didn’t want to go back to bed. She wanted to play. So, in her playful way she screamed; not an angry or an "I’m hungry," scream, just a very loud playful scream. About a week ago, she discovered her voice. She thinks it’s hilarious to scream as loud as she can just to hear herself. Therefore, I have a baby velociraptor in my house. This baby velociraptor screamed and screamed, loud enough to wake up her daddy and loud enough to keep mommy from her power nap. We decided to go get her and lay her in our bed to snuggle us for the last few minutes of our morning before the business of the day began. Believe it or not, I’m describing why this morning was the best morning. It was the best morning because in those last moments, my baby girl laid between her dad and I staring into my eyes with those curious blue gems of hers and reached out and grabbed my face. Her expression changed like one of contentment and she gently closed her eyes and fell asleep clinging to my face and resting her nose on mine. It was the best morning because my baby felt comfort in the arms of her parents and was able to rest. In that moment, I wanted to freeze time. I wanted to stay forever in the arms of my two loves completely and overwhelmingly happy. But as life would have it, the alarm went off again and the work responsibilities called. For a few minutes before work, Kate woke up and we snuggled and we giggled and we played as much as time would allow. Then it became the worst day. Though I’m being over dramatic, it felt like the worst day. It was the worst day because those moments were gone and work was calling loudly. My happy, content baby went off to Nonna’s house for the day and Erik and I parted ways to our separate jobs. It was the worst day because I wanted nothing more than to stay home with my little baby. Tears flowed after she left and I prayed, "Lord, you know the desires of my heart. Help me find a way to make these good moments last longer." To the working mom, hang in there. If there is any miraculous way you have the luxury of staying home when your kids are babies, do it. These moments are so few and so fleeting don’t miss it if you don’t have to. But if you’re like me, that luxury is not in the cards for today. For one reason or another, there are bills that need paid, benefits that need covered and skills that have to be maintained. You do it for your family so that they can have the life you did or didn’t have. You do it to share the load with your spouse to keep the financial stress out of your family. Whatever reason we work it’s because we’ve decided we have to. It’s not easy. It’s not always what we want, but we do what we have to do. To us I say: hang in there. Use your role in working to show your child good character, diligence, and hard work. (Stay at home moms are just as good in character, diligence and hard working if not more. So don’t take this as a hit against those that stay home. I’m just pointing out a way to use the need to work to build up our children). To the working mom I say: cherish every little moment. Cherish the midnight feedings, the 2 a.m. feedings, and the 4 a.m. feedings. Cherish the snuggles when they are sick, or tired, or cranky. Cherish the giggles, the milestones, the wonder, and the excitement. Cherish it all in the moments you do have. Write them all down so you can relive those moments again. To you I say: hang in there. Every moment away is hard and I get it. For me, every moment away is harder than the last. But I encourage you to press on. You are still a good mom. You are still a GREAT mom. And by creating these precious moments every day with your baby, they will always know how much you love them no matter how many moments you miss. |