Flash back
Flash back to that moment we decided it was time to start a family. A decision like that is not one that should be taken lightly. Although it brings endless joy and enrichment, it is not easy and is not for the faint of heart. But I guess that is true for all things good.
Erik and I had talked about having kids throughout out relationship and it was definitely not something that we often agreed on. We both wanted kids but the timing of that happening was different for both of us. Even from when we had both started dating, Erik would talk about how he couldn’t wait to be a dad someday. After we were married he would play with my nieces and come home saying, “I have baby fever!” I, on the other hand, had a very different plan in mind. I decided that I didn’t want kids until after I turned 30. I had been in college for seven years pursuing my career of choice. In those seven years, I had racked up more school debt than I care to admit. My thinking was, “I don’t want to go to school for seven years, graduate, have a kid, and my career go down the tubes.” For females in the workplace, getting pregnant and having babies is usually looked down upon and a huge inconvenience. So, I thought, I graduate at 25 years old. Give me five years to pursue my career, pay off school debt, buy a house, get all our stars aligned correctly and THEN we can talk about having kids.
To that plan my husband said, “uh, no I’ll be too old to play with my kids by then!” He’s only two years older than I but at the time, five years away seemed like forever. So, we compromised at three years. After three years of marriage, we will start trying to have a family.
Then, reality set in. Our first year of marriage I was still in school, had no job and no income, still racking up school debt. Once I graduated and got a job, I lost it for three months, during which we blew through all our savings to pay for our bills. Our second year, I was working but wasn’t getting paid what I thought I would fresh out of school. I was also working 60+ hours a week and getting paid for 40, on top of driving two hours a day to and from work. I desperately looked for a different option but the job market wasn’t as available as I’d thought it would be. Erik also had tried to make some career changes to make a little more money but those did not pan out like we’d hoped either. We sat down with our finances and decided together that we were in way too much debt to try to take on a house. We decided to sign another year lease in our tiny one bedroom apartment to save money.
After all of this happened, I was driving my hour drive home from work pondering how everything in our lives was not how I’d planned it. I’m very much a “what’s next?” kind of person. So I was thinking, okay, none of the things we wanted to happen by now are happening, so what’s next? What was that next thing on the agenda?
Having a baby…
I began processing through this option and really felt the Lord tugging on my heart to go forward with this idea of starting a family. I was terrified and doubted what I was hearing from Him but I couldn’t shake his voice telling me “It’s time.” Like I said, we had just resigned another year lease in our apartment. As anyone who lives in an apartment knows, those leases are not easy to get out of. The apartment wanted three months rent and to keep our security deposit for breaking the lease. It was going to be almost 2000 dollars; money we did not have. So I prayed a doubtful prayer, “Lord, if this is really from you, you are going to have to do the impossible and get us out of that lease. We don’t have room for a baby.” Soon after that, Erik calls me and excitingly tells me that a family friend just called and has a 2-bedroom duplex for rent for a fraction more of what we were currently paying. “Well, Lord, like I said, we need a miracle here. If you can get us out of that lease, I’ll know it’s time to start a family.” The next day, Erik calls again and says, “I called the supervisor over the apartments and told him our situation. He said we could pay month to month until we move out with no extra cost.”
My first thought was “Oh crap.” I guess that was confirmation. It was time to start a family. Now I had to convince Erik of this same conviction. I strangely started to get a little excited about this plan. I honestly thought getting Erik on board would be easy since he was the one that was pushing for kids anyway. I figured he’d be thrilled. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
Flash back to that moment we decided it was time to start a family. A decision like that is not one that should be taken lightly. Although it brings endless joy and enrichment, it is not easy and is not for the faint of heart. But I guess that is true for all things good.
Erik and I had talked about having kids throughout out relationship and it was definitely not something that we often agreed on. We both wanted kids but the timing of that happening was different for both of us. Even from when we had both started dating, Erik would talk about how he couldn’t wait to be a dad someday. After we were married he would play with my nieces and come home saying, “I have baby fever!” I, on the other hand, had a very different plan in mind. I decided that I didn’t want kids until after I turned 30. I had been in college for seven years pursuing my career of choice. In those seven years, I had racked up more school debt than I care to admit. My thinking was, “I don’t want to go to school for seven years, graduate, have a kid, and my career go down the tubes.” For females in the workplace, getting pregnant and having babies is usually looked down upon and a huge inconvenience. So, I thought, I graduate at 25 years old. Give me five years to pursue my career, pay off school debt, buy a house, get all our stars aligned correctly and THEN we can talk about having kids.
To that plan my husband said, “uh, no I’ll be too old to play with my kids by then!” He’s only two years older than I but at the time, five years away seemed like forever. So, we compromised at three years. After three years of marriage, we will start trying to have a family.
Then, reality set in. Our first year of marriage I was still in school, had no job and no income, still racking up school debt. Once I graduated and got a job, I lost it for three months, during which we blew through all our savings to pay for our bills. Our second year, I was working but wasn’t getting paid what I thought I would fresh out of school. I was also working 60+ hours a week and getting paid for 40, on top of driving two hours a day to and from work. I desperately looked for a different option but the job market wasn’t as available as I’d thought it would be. Erik also had tried to make some career changes to make a little more money but those did not pan out like we’d hoped either. We sat down with our finances and decided together that we were in way too much debt to try to take on a house. We decided to sign another year lease in our tiny one bedroom apartment to save money.
After all of this happened, I was driving my hour drive home from work pondering how everything in our lives was not how I’d planned it. I’m very much a “what’s next?” kind of person. So I was thinking, okay, none of the things we wanted to happen by now are happening, so what’s next? What was that next thing on the agenda?
Having a baby…
I began processing through this option and really felt the Lord tugging on my heart to go forward with this idea of starting a family. I was terrified and doubted what I was hearing from Him but I couldn’t shake his voice telling me “It’s time.” Like I said, we had just resigned another year lease in our apartment. As anyone who lives in an apartment knows, those leases are not easy to get out of. The apartment wanted three months rent and to keep our security deposit for breaking the lease. It was going to be almost 2000 dollars; money we did not have. So I prayed a doubtful prayer, “Lord, if this is really from you, you are going to have to do the impossible and get us out of that lease. We don’t have room for a baby.” Soon after that, Erik calls me and excitingly tells me that a family friend just called and has a 2-bedroom duplex for rent for a fraction more of what we were currently paying. “Well, Lord, like I said, we need a miracle here. If you can get us out of that lease, I’ll know it’s time to start a family.” The next day, Erik calls again and says, “I called the supervisor over the apartments and told him our situation. He said we could pay month to month until we move out with no extra cost.”
My first thought was “Oh crap.” I guess that was confirmation. It was time to start a family. Now I had to convince Erik of this same conviction. I strangely started to get a little excited about this plan. I honestly thought getting Erik on board would be easy since he was the one that was pushing for kids anyway. I figured he’d be thrilled. Boy, was I in for a surprise.